59. Emphasizing Important Considerations and Relying on Patience: The Application of Psychological Tactics in Communication

Important Notes

Penalty kicks are the most thrilling moments in a football match. Many athletes warn themselves against shooting high, but often end up shooting high instead. Stars like Maradona believed that when taking a penalty kick, first determine the angle you want to shoot at, and then shoot without hesitation; this method is usually very effective. A parent, seeing his son wasn't studying hard, said, "You can't recite this Tang poem, can you?" He then recited it himself. The child's competitive spirit was immediately ignited, and he diligently memorized two poems. Sure enough, he gradually developed a love for learning afterward.

The examples above illustrate the infinite mysteries of the human mind. If you tell someone not to do something and take prohibitive measures, they might find themselves wanting to try it anyway. For instance, if you tell your roommates not to open one of your drawers, someone might want to open it to see what secrets it holds when you're not around. This is an incredible, primal instinct. Many couples aren't as deeply in love as depicted in romance novels, but parental opposition can create a rebellious mentality: "If you say so, I'll do it the other way around."

In conversations that influence emotions, the most effective tactic is to feign friendliness while offering so-called "advice"-that is, to subtly make the other person aware of what's forbidden in the game. For example, on a golf course, deliberately and gently ask your opponent, "If your shot goes to the left or right halfway through, it will fall into the pond," or "This ball is so close to the hole, don't miss!" Hearing these "kind words," the shot inexplicably either flies to the right or misses.

Experienced coaches never give athletes lengthy instructions or warn them against certain behaviors before a competition, because doing so would be counterproductive.

Relying on patience to maneuver against an opponent in a superior position.

There's an American magazine that specializes in showing how to buy clothes at the lowest price. The magazine suggests: When you see clothes you like in a store, don't show it, and definitely don't let the salesperson guess which one you actually like. Instead, patiently discuss the pros and cons of other clothes with the salesperson, and try them on repeatedly. Wait until the salesperson gets tired and unsure if you genuinely want to buy, then bring out the item you like. At this point, say to the salesperson, who looks unhappy, "I want to buy this, but how much of a discount are you willing to give me?" This is a very good method.

In stores that normally never offer discounts, if a customer spends a long time selecting items, the sales staff will then dedicate a significant amount of time and effort to serving them. From the store's perspective, if this customer leaves without buying anything, it seems like the store will suffer a huge loss. Because of this strong desire to sell, the customer is more likely to agree to the quoted price.

Psychological warfare, which weakens the opponent's fighting spirit by first demoralizing them, is frequently used in various aspects of society. For example, when a wife wants her husband to buy her jewelry, or a child asks their mother for pocket money to buy something, this tactic is often used intentionally or unintentionally. Initially, the husband will say to the wife or the mother to the child, "Why do you want that? Can't you get something cheaper?" To refuse the request, you will inevitably present a set of arguments to try to persuade the other party to give up the original demand. If the other party doesn't agree and argues with you every two days and every five days, you, driven by the desire to avoid trouble, will casually say, "Okay! I'll buy it for you if you like it."

In negotiations, those who are patient and persistent in their opinions generally emerge victorious. Although this method is simple and rudimentary, persisting with this tactic will eventually cause the other party to waver. Wavering leads to anxiety, and anxiety reduces rationality and judgment, resulting in concessions. Therefore, this psychological tactic is quite powerful.

Generally speaking, when the opponent is in a more advantageous position than us, we may feel a lack of effective means to attack them. In such situations, the tactics described above often yield remarkable results. Patiently maneuvering with the opponent has two meanings: first, to wear them down; and second, to build rapport with them, thereby undermining their ability to judge objective facts.

Try to distract the person who is talking at length

From a psychological perspective, it's natural for a speech to be disrupted by a little noise. Sudden or intermittent noise makes it difficult to concentrate. Forest animals often prick up their ears for unusual sounds as a natural protective reaction. Interrupting a speech is like a forest animal hearing an unusual sound and thinking it's an attacking enemy, trying to escape. This lack of concentration and distraction not only affects the listener but also the speaker, often disrupting their train of thought.

Some people use noise to disrupt others' thinking, a method used against those who like to talk a lot. The sound of a coin dropping distracts the audience; those who like to talk are also affected. They might have a lot to say, but are interrupted in an instant. At this point, the chairperson should seize the opportunity to say, "Well then, let's discuss another matter," thus changing the subject. In a meeting with a very articulate competitor, when they finish speaking, you can clap and say, "Well said," interrupting them first, then continue, "However, my opinion is..." This is a very subtle way to interrupt them.

Criticism becomes more acceptable if it doesn't hurt self-esteem.

Often, one knowingly commits wrongdoings, and although it is unintentional, there is still some sense of guilt. If others do not understand this feeling and attack it directly, it will be detrimental to both parties.

To get someone to change their shortcomings, we should consider common human psychology. Simply blaming them without understanding the situation will not yield good results. We often hear superiors say, "What do you really mean? You act so casually in the company. Don't you know the rules? Think about it!" This only creates negative consequences.

Saying something like, "You must feel really guilty about being late all the time," shows respect and will convince your subordinates, helping them to stop being late. Everyone wants to be valued; if you hurt their pride, no amount of talking will help. Instead, making the other person feel valued before stating your needs is much more effective than using a threatening tone.

When someone is agitated, their questions, if not specifically addressed, often lead to a stalemate. Therefore, such questions should be avoided. If it's a personal matter, saying something like, "This is complicated; let's have a drink first," demonstrates your stance and calms the other person down, which is better than an endless argument. In formal settings, such as during a meeting where a topic sparks a debate, the meeting facilitator should first acknowledge the importance of the issue. Then, say, "This question is too complex to answer immediately," thus keeping the other party in check; or say, "Let's discuss this another day," allowing the meeting to continue. Receiving a "let's discuss it another day" response is better than being rejected, which helps to calm their emotions, reduce their aggression, and prevent further provocation.