Men's health: Changing positions and controlling the frequency of sexual activity

Why Change Your Sexual Positions?

Sexual positions are a sensitive topic in sexology, often a private matter between couples, a secret affair never revealed to outsiders. Because it involves sexual techniques, artistry, and is related to sexual beliefs, habits, and the choice of positions in special circumstances, it is essential to be mindful of these choices.

Sexual positions are also the methods and postures of intercourse, and their variations are an important aspect of sexual technique. Influenced by traditional beliefs, this is often considered something that is feasible but not to be discussed. In both Eastern and Western cultures, there is a common and widespread notion: only one sexual position aligns with biological instincts, and all others are considered abnormal. For a time, Western churches even stipulated that any sexual position other than the missionary position was a sin that required repentance. According to estimates from surveys by American sex scientists, under the influence of their socio-cultural context, almost all couples use the missionary position, and 70% of them have never considered using other positions. Secondly, the woman-on-top position is frequently used, and those who have tried it have found that this position easily induces female orgasm. Meanwhile, less than 10% of people experiment with rear-entry positions. In my country, according to a nationwide survey of 20,000 couples, 54.4% of the surveyed couples frequently or occasionally changed their sexual positions. Among them, urban couples accounted for 56.5%, while rural couples accounted for 44.9%, with the urban rate significantly higher than the rural rate.

The sexual positions chosen between men and women were originally diverse. As early as the Western Han Dynasty medical texts unearthed at Mawangdui, such as *He Yin Yang Fang* and *Tian Xia Zhi Dao Tan*, there are records of 10 sexual positions. *Yi Xin Fang*, a compilation of pre-Sui and Tang Dynasty medical works, also introduces 9 sexual positions, including "Dragon Turning, Tiger Stepping, Monkey Wrestling, Cicada Touching, Turtle Soaring, Rabbit Sucking Fur, Fish Connecting Scales, and Crane Intertwining Necks." This shows that the ancients also had a wide variety of sexual positions to choose from. Historically, the male-on-top position has never been the only option.

Some people mistakenly associate frequently changing sexual positions with "lewdness" and "vulgarity," and are therefore reluctant to change positions freely. In fact, this view is neither consistent with historical tradition nor with the principles of human sexual pleasure; it is a self-imposed misconception.

The renowned American sexologist, Harland Kathardourian, points out in his authoritative sex textbook, *The Essence of Sexuality*, that: "There is nothing strange about sexual positions. Experiments show that one approach position is more exciting at one time, while another position is suitable for other aspects. No single position can replace all others; the pursuit of physical perfection is endless. The most valuable maxim here is: both partners should regard the control of movement during intercourse as their own privilege and obligation," and that "creative and imaginative changes in sexual positions can overcome monotony," thereby increasing sexual interest and enhancing sexual pleasure. In fact, many couples of all ages use various sexual positions. A survey of 267 elderly people revealed that 88.8% had used the missionary position, 6% the woman-on-top position, 19.5% the side-lying position, 3.4% the standing position, and 2.6% the sitting position. This data indicates that although older adults tend to have more conservative views on sex, a significant number still use positions other than the missionary position, particularly the side-lying position, which aligns with their physiological and psychological characteristics.

So why change sexual positions?

Appropriately changing sexual positions is highly beneficial in marital sex life.

First, from a mechanics perspective, changing sexual positions can increase physical pleasure and enhance novelty and enjoyment psychologically. Furthermore, satisfying one's partner's sexual needs is a form of affection. As a considerate spouse, one should not only not refuse requests to change positions but also actively cooperate and enjoy the process together.

Second, changing sexual positions is a good way to adjust to a long-standing, monotonous sexual routine, especially for long-married couples. A monotonous and boring sex life can become dull and monotonous, while creative and imaginative sexual positions can overcome these drawbacks.

Third, an important reason for changing sexual positions is to compensate for certain physiological differences between partners, such as significant height differences or the woman's pregnancy. For older couples, this is often to accommodate one partner's illness, poor physical condition, or unique body type (e.g., being overweight or obese), or to accommodate one partner's declining sexual function or other issues. This mutual consideration, care, and satisfaction among middle-aged and elderly couples through varied sexual positions can help strengthen their relationship and enhance their sense of happiness.

How to Manage the Frequency of Sexual Activity

Many people often ask, "What constitutes a moderate frequency of sexual activity?" Indeed, this is a concern for many.

A harmonious sex life requires a moderate frequency of sexual activity. A happy marriage includes a long and consistent sex life. Prolonged abstinence or forced reduction in sexual activity can decrease libido. There is no fixed standard for the frequency of intercourse between men and women; it largely depends on each individual's specific circumstances. Generally speaking, those with good development, nutrition, and health, normal sex hormone secretion, and strong sexual interest tend to have more frequent sexual activity; conversely, those with poor health, malnutrition, and low sex hormone levels will instinctively reduce their sexual activity. In addition, the frequency of sexual activity is often influenced by factors such as the natural environment, seasons and climate, living conditions, marital relationship, health status, education level, sexological knowledge, lifestyle habits, and psychological factors.

Middle-aged and elderly people must pay attention to moderation in sexual activity to maintain sexual vitality. Moderation in sexual activity refers to controlling sexual desire, not abstinence. It means having a moderate amount of sexual activity, and therefore, avoiding both excessively frequent and insufficient sexual intercourse.

Modern sexology believes that there are three main criteria for judging the normal frequency of sexual activity:

1. Sexual desire is naturally aroused and strong enough to warrant intercourse. Any forced or perfunctory intercourse is excessive.

2. The entire process of intercourse proceeds and is completed naturally without any discomfort. As long as there is no physical or psychological discomfort, it is considered normal.

3. The feeling the next day after intercourse is used as a standard for judgment. If both partners feel refreshed and energetic, with no fatigue, and experience no disruption to sleep, physical and mental well-being, and their lives and work are not affected the next day, then it is considered normal. However, if the next day they feel weak, listless, drowsy, short of breath, dizzy, have lower back pain, leg aches, decreased appetite, and their lives and work are affected, then it is excessive and requires self-regulation.

If there are pre-existing chronic illnesses, excessive sexual activity can easily lead to a relapse, so moderation is even more important. Therefore, do not blindly compare yourself to others, assuming that more activity than others is excessive and necessarily bad; instead, judge based on your own feelings.

So, what is a relatively moderate frequency of sexual activity? Generally speaking, the frequency of sexual desire varies with age. For individuals aged 20-30, sexual activity is at its peak, potentially occurring about 3 times per week; for those aged 31-40, no more than 2 times per week; for those aged 41-50, about 4-6 times per month; for those aged 51-60, about 2-3 times per month; and even after 60, entering old age, at least once per month is recommended. These are general guidelines; individuals can adjust according to their specific circumstances. Under normal circumstances, long-term, balanced, and maintained activity is best. Even in one's sixties or seventies, sexual activity should not be stopped or interrupted, thus preserving a certain level of sexual ability and ensuring a long and happy marriage.

Regarding the frequency of sexual activity, a jingle circulated during the Guangxu era of the Qing Dynasty: "In the prime of life, don't be too frequent; at twenty-four or twenty-five, not every day; over thirty, like counting money; in the early forties, like entering a Buddhist temple; approaching sixty, like paying rent; around seventy, retire to the countryside." This means that young people around 20 should not have continuous sexual activity, and even at sexual maturity, they shouldn't have sex every day. Around 30, intercourse should be like an accountant counting money, once every five days. After 40, entering middle age, sex should be like attending church services, once a week. For those over 50, with declining energy, sexual activity should be once every two weeks, like a Buddhist going to the temple to burn incense on the first and fifteenth of the lunar month. Being 60 years old doesn't necessarily mean you have to stay away from sex. As long as you're in good health and still have sexual interest, you can still enjoy sex in moderation, like paying rent once a month. Around 70, when you're in your seventies and frail, it's natural to stop sexual activity and live a more secluded life. Of course, with improved nutrition, better health, and changing attitudes towards sex, some healthy elderly people in their sixties and seventies still maintain regular and balanced sex lives, and having sex several times a month is not unreasonable. Even without sexual intercourse, elderly couples can still communicate their feelings through other forms of physical contact, truly growing old together.